Talking to Strangers

A disheartening encounter happened to me a few weeks ago. As some of you may already know, I am on the board of the West Kootenay Cycling Coalition (WKCC). We advocate for active transportation awareness, safety and infrastructure in our region. The Nelson Public Library joined libraries across B.C. to support British Columbia Library Association’s Climate Action Week from Nov. 1-7. With its focus on raising awareness on climate related issues, the WKCC was invited to set-up an information table in the library for a few hours. This would allow residents the opportunity to learn more about our group and the projects we support. Active transportation is climate action!

Some residents made a special trip down to the library specifically to meet with me while others were just random visitors at the library. One such visitor was a young boy that was curious about our table. I asked him if he can ride a bicycle. He said yes. I asked him if he rides his bicycle to school. One of the projects we are working on is a bicycle education program for school children. He said no. I was curious why he did not. Perhaps it was distance. I asked him where he lived and where his school was. He said he lived near Hume School but attended school at Rosemont. If you are familiar with Nelson, that is quite a distance for a young boy. It’s also uphill the whole way. I could see why he did not ride to school. Perhaps one day there could be a group ride for children like him to get to school by bike safely. I left it at that. 

To my surprise, his mother yelled at him to stop talking to strangers. She then confronted me and asked me why I was asking her child where he lived? Why would I speak to him at all? I explained that I was with a bicycle advocacy group that specifically advocates for bicycle safety for children. I was curious about the transportation barriers for her son. She continued to berate me saying that I have no right to speak to her child. I am a stranger. She has no way of knowing who I am. 

I felt rather taken aback. I’ve always considered libraries to be one of the last safe places for all ages and all walks of life. It was very clear that I was representing the WKCC. I was sitting at a table with brochures, maps and booklets all about cycling. I was shocked that this mother felt her son was unsafe and even more shocked that he was discouraged from talking to strangers. We live in a small town! Community is the backbone of life in small towns. Why shouldn't I speak to her son?

And then I remembered a similar incident when my child was young. My daughter attended a daycare as a toddler. When she was about four years old, the staff instructed all the children to never talk to strangers. I was angry. It also took some effort to get my kid to unlearn this misguided rule. I explained to her that we can’t make new connections or friends unless we are willing to talk to strangers. I don’t think it’s right to instill fear of strangers to anyone and especially in a child. It is misguided.

Instead, I taught my daughter to be cautious of strange behavior. For example, I let her know that it’s OK to talk to strangers but, that not everyone has the best intentions. I tried to give her the tools for navigating interactions with strangers. I told her to check with me before going home with anyone, even someone she knows. Then I explained why this is important. If I don’t know where she is, I can’t come find her if she needs help. Besides, statistically speaking, children are far more likely to be abducted or abused by a family member or an acquaintance than by a total stranger. The vast majority of perpetrators are known to children. Only about 5% are strangers. With statistics like this, it’s important that parents provide children with the proper tools to protect themselves. Talking to strangers is not the problem. 

Studies also show that talking to strangers builds community and connections. In a small town, this is vital. The benefits are undeniable. Studies consistently show that individuals who engage in regular social interactions with strangers, such as a store clerk, report feeling happier. It strengthens one’s sense of belonging which is really important navigtating a wider community. It reduces feelings of loneliness and isolation, improves trust and empathy and enhances social skills. I feel like now more than ever, we need community. 

Indeed, talking to strangers increases your intelligence too because you are regularly exposed to new information with all the knowledge sharing. This idea that social interactions with strangers increases intelligence is a concept discussed by writer Elena Bridgers who studies hunter-gatherer societies. I highly recommend checking out her blog at https://elenabridgers.substack.com/. She discusses everything from talking to strangers to managing postpartum depression.

How about you? Are you a parent? Do you teach your children to not talk to strangers?